“Jordan’s Naked Hols Romp... Amazing Pictures...” yelled the cover of today’s Daily Star. Really? I mean, really “amazing”? There’s no doubting what the pictures will show: topless glamour model Jordan naked, having a “romp” (I believe that is a journalistic expression referring to sexual intimacy, m’lud) on her holidays. What larks! But how exactly do these pictures qualify as “amazing”? Do they feature Jordan “romping” with Elvis? Bigfoot? A space alien? The Duke of Edinburgh? Those images might well be amazing, though not because of Jordan. The sight of any of these individuals involved in “naked romp” on holiday would be amazing in and of itself, but the presence or otherwise of Jordan would produce scarcely any additional amazement value. Having sex in flagrante, on holiday is well within the bounds of what might reasonably be considered expected behaviour for Jordan, and as for being naked that is, after all, her metier.
But doncha, eh, wanna see Jordan, like nude and, you know what I mean, going at it? Yes, I know what you mean, but ho-hum. It’s not like I haven’t seen Jordan naked before. Of course, I haven’t ever actively sought out such images, but they are impossible to avoid. They are as ubiquitous these days as the adverts for Chelsea Lately that are plastered all across London in the most over-the-top campaign for a TV show I have seen since the Living channel scooped the rights to Season 5 of Will and Grace. Actually, I am a bit unsure about the image they have chosen. I don’t really know it’s doing them any favours. Yes, that picture is on every third billboard in this city right now. Mind you, it got me to watch last night, just to see if the show itself could be as appalling as the poster. It did at least answer one question for me - what Whose Line Is It Anyway? regular Greg Proops is up to these days. He is one of Chelsea’s “Round Table Regulars” it would seem. The show is not exactly funny, but it gives a strong sense of having been taped before a live studio audience... in 1981. Greg’s new hair-style - a buffant mullet - adds to the retro feel here no end. Hey, this is a show for men who love to leer up women’s skirts and drool over their gussets... what could be more 80s than that? Let’s all have a holiday from the 21st century, just like Jordan, yeah!
As for Jordan, well, if her snaps were to show her demurely dressed, reading a book or watching the races from Goodwood on TV while having a crafty fag, or talking to a plastic surgeon about having her breasts restored to their original size while not making any attempt whatever to seek publicity for herself, perhaps even shielding her face from the cameras... now that would amaze me!
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2 comments:
How about an orgy with Elvis, Bigfoot, a space alien, and Jordan? No, wait, that really isn't fair to the poor cryptobeasties.
No, you're right, it's not. But I'm quite sure they've been getting it on in their hidden Himalayan eyrie (eerie?) anyway, while we're not looking :)
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